Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's just like the Real World with babies
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
