yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
