i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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