I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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