I will die if light touches me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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