Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
