At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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