peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
