Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The uberlube is also flammable
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
