every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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