If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
