I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
