I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
