time to smoke my breakfast
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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