This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
