i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
