Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
