I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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