Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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