dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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