You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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