I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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