matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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