can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
