She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
