I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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