how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
