You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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