Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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