sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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