So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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