Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
