you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
