I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
