I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You need a sexual gate keeper
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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