I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Two words: nipple clamps
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