What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
