i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Where is the hickey?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
