Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
