If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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