I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
