Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
