Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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