I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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