The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
