GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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