This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
