Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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