positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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