i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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