thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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