I think I died a long time ago.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
