I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
