I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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