Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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