So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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