at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
