you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
