I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
