Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
