I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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