yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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