No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
