My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
