Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
