I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
