Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
