my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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