I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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