When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
