Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
