Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My hand turned me down
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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